Give voters shares in bailed-out banks, says Nick

 tomtom

 The new Delboy?

 Writes Tom Stack in an innovative attempt to make sense out of Nick’s suggestion  With due credit to the Telegraph’s Christopher Hope, in Rio de Janeiro June 23^rd 2011 for bringing this matter to our attention.

 ‘By Christmas Rodney, we’ll all be millionaires.’

Nice try Nick, it should see a few disaffected, Lib-Dem lost souls, return to the fold. If you can pull it off? Though if it really works out you could even finish up as Prime Minister of a Coalition to end all Coalitions. The kind of Coalition that changes in its entirety, the way we are governed forever.

 None of the beneficiaries in this scheme will  need to work anymore and we can all relax in an atmosphere of DiY, Televiewing, Gaming and TV Bingo on our own individual main frame computers. While we decide on which South Pacific Island, Caribbean Beach or Mediterranean hotspot, to spend our newfound leisure hours, lazing away our newfound financial security and independence.

 No more worries about job security, pensions or yob culture taking over our everyday lives, we’ll get rid of that last item at a stroke, as we’ll all be yobs. Though we will need to turn our attention to who runs thing to support this new way of life for our indigenous population. That’s the families who lived and worked here pre-WWII.

However, we can’t possibly turn all these illegal immigrants and their dependants into instant millionaires. It would open the floodgates. We’ll need to be a bit circumspect too, about who qualifies and who gets what. So we need to issue these new Nick Clegg bank shares with discretion. We’ll need nominating committees and we’ll have to create a few more Quangos to oversee the distribution and allocation, to make sure they are only distributed to the fortunate few.

 Anyone attributed with a lottery win should immediately be excluded from this scheme so we’ll need a register of anyone with more than £150 grand to his name, which no doubt includes all property owners, though we’ll need a safety net here for any of the nouveau riche who fell for the Blair/Brown/Mandelson  ♫ Tra-la-la - things can only get better ♫ line and have been plunged into negative equity.

 But we can leave that to all the busybodies who will come forward to staff the new Quangos, wanting to make sure no one gets a few steps ahead of them in the millionaire stakes. Then all of a sudden I woke up, was it all a dream or more likely a nightmare, promoted out of desperation by the nearly man leading a nearly party (the Lib-Dems) for self-aggrandisement. Will this Nick dodge work? Only time will tell as the measures promoted by George and his Treasury Team kick-in in the coming months and year, as as we deal with the legacy of new Labour’s busted flush.

 Though how it’s going to rumble with the taxpayers who lose out on the back of such a giveaway, is bit of a dilemma in reality. It smacks a bit of  an electioneering bribe using the Treasury to bankroll it.  In a way, it sounds like a good idea, though I doubt the real movers and shakers in the ‘City’ will be impressed. The 7% who play fast and loose with 84% of our national wealth they ultimately own.

 Watch this space, I’ll be back!

Tom.